She had such a grip on me. Everything I did was for her I stayed up countless nights living by the stars and dying by the sun and time and time again she spent the night with me we resided between the sheets along with the sweat and tears and I cried while she held me in her hands and her arms and her hair lay on my shoulders until we couldn’t distinguish who was who and it was just 

‍

                                                                                                                                                        skin.

‍

I finally realized she was gone. I was on the train to Shibuya and I lost her I thought she was next to me the whole time but I fell asleep and I couldn’t find her anymore I drifted deeper and deeper into this dark and the train kept moving swaying me and swaying me and the man next to me asked me to move but I couldn’t understand him because I was suddenly so

‍

                                                                                                                                                        tired.

She broke my heart. She was me and I was her and I was lost without her the city seemed so large and my legs kept slowing down and each corner seemed like the perfect place to rest and each side street seemed like the perfect place to sleep and my eyes got so heavy and my heart got so thin and deteriorated and each time I woke up I felt less and less like me and more and more like someone 

‍

                                                                                                                                                        else.

I missed my room in Tokyo. Every night I was able to sit outside with her and watch the umbrellas move beneath our feet because it’s always raining and it doesn’t matter how far above the ground I was but it was 16 stories just so you know and the elevator would break so I would spend the day in the chair in the corner and i would wait for her to arrive every night until I decided that the room was too small and my head hurt too much and the train was a good idea and the elevator got fixed i needed to try something

‍

                                                                                                                                                         new.
‍

I can’t decide where to go now. It’s not like I had any friends before but at least I had her and now that I walk with the sun I don’t see the people I used to see in the city I don’t see the street performers packing up and I don’t see old men with shoes worn to small slabs of rubber and I don’t see the office workers stumbling out of bars laughing and crying and shouting about their insignificant lives and I'm lonelier than ever but at least I can finally close my eyes and maybe it’s a good thing but I know if I stay here I’ll keep on missing
‍

                                                                                                                                                           her.